


I choose you

by PhoenixAD



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: F/M, Post 9x02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27635522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixAD/pseuds/PhoenixAD
Summary: A post 9x02 oneshot (more detailed description coming soon)
Relationships: Sylvie Brett & Matthew Casey, Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 32
Kudos: 130





	I choose you

**Author's Note:**

> We are not perfect, we'll learn from our mistakes,  
> and as long as it takes, I will prove my love to you.  
> I am not scared of the elements, I am underprepared,  
> but I am willing, and even better,  
> I get to be the other half of you.  
> Tell the world that we finally got it all right,  
> I choose you.
> 
> I Choose You - Sara Bareilles

“Good morning.” Matt smiled at Sylvie as she walked in the common room; it was met with the same blank expression he’d gotten from her for weeks.

“Morning.” Sylvie didn’t pause before heading into the bunk room.

Matt sighed, sitting down at the table with his coffee, ignoring the looks he was getting from his roommates; he’d been dodging their questions for nearly a month now.

Matt assumed Sylvie would have told Stella what had happened, but based on her persistent questioning off shift, and the fact Stella hadn’t gone off and called him an idiot yet, she’d kept it to herself.

As quickly as he’d sat down, Matt got up; he’d rather sit alone in his quarters than deal with questioning looks from Stella and Kelly.

Sylvie didn’t look up as Matt walked by, deliberately focusing on her phone, even though she knew he was looking at her.

Slamming his quarters’ door shut with more force than necessary, Matt sighed, laying down on his bed.

He was an idiot; he knew that. He had screwed up big time, he also knew that.

When his door flung open with no knock, he bolted upright automatically. When Kelly stepped in, he sighed, laying back down.

“Alright, Case.” Kelly closed the door behind him, sitting in Matt’s desk chair. “I don’t want to be doing this, but Mopey Matt is getting a little old.”

“I’m not moping.” A lie. Not even a convincing lie.

“What the hell happened between you and Brett? One day you’re practically attached at the hip, you literally jumped out of a moving truck to get to her when you thought she was in danger.” Kelly still wished he’d been present to witness  _ that _ . “And then all of a sudden, you two are avoiding each other like the plague.”

“I’m not avoiding her.” Matt sighed; he wasn’t avoiding her; she was avoiding him.

“Well, then she’s avoiding you. Regardless, something happened.”

“I screwed up.” Matt sighed.

“I assumed as much.” Kelly quipped until he saw Matt’s expression. “Okay, how?”

“I went to her place because she’d been avoiding me, she kissed me, and...” Matt did not want to talk about this, but he needed to talk to someone. “She asked about Gabby, about who I would choose if Gabby came back.”

Kelly sighed. “And what did you say?”

“That I didn’t know.” Matt groaned. “I don’t even think that’s true. I love Gabby, not like I did before, but I don’t think that’s ever going to go away. Does that make the feelings I have for Sylvie any less real?”

“I don’t think so, no, but think about it from her point of view.” Kelly shrugged. “Would you want to spend your life wondering if you were someone’s second choice?”

“No.”

“So sort your shit out and make a decision. If Sylvie’s the one you’d choose, then prove it to her.” Kelly paused. “If you can’t say with absolute certainty that Sylvie’s your first choice, then you have to let her go. She deserves better than being anybody’s second choice.”

“I know that.” Matt snapped. “Don’t you think I know that?”

“I’m just trying to help, man. I -” Kelly stopped mid-sentence as the alarms went off. “To be continued?”

“Or not.” Matt sighed, sitting up. “Let’s go.”

Matt followed Kelly out of his quarters; Sylvie glanced towards them before quickly looking away, hurrying off towards the apparatus floor.

Kelly watched Matt’s exhausted expression. “Maybe sort your shit out quickly.”

* * *

Ambulance 61’s door slammed shut with force, taking the brunt of Sylvie’s frustration, but also capturing the attention of her partner and several other members of 51, including Matt.

“I’m going to go shower before we get another call.” Sylvie told her partner.

It had been a rough call; a multi-car crash had caused one fatality, a young girl who died on route to Med while Sylvie was working on her.

“Sylvie?” Matt called after her as she walked away; Sylvie paused, but didn’t turn towards him. “Are you okay? After that call?”

“It’s all a part of the job, Casey.”

Matt hated the cool tone, hated the way she called him Casey now, not Matt, hated that she walked away, and most of all, he hated that she wouldn’t talk to him about things anymore.

Matt wasn’t sure Kelly wasn’t planning on following him to his quarters to finish their earlier discussion, so he avoided going back, opting to get a mug of coffee and sit down at the table across from Ritter and Mackey, who were both typing on their phones.

“Excuse me, Miss.” Gallo’s words caused Matt to scan the room for him, and seeing who he was talking to caused Matt to freeze, coffee mug halfway between his mouth and the table. “I’m sorry, visitors aren’t allowed inside because of COVID.”

“I’m not really a visitor.” She laughed, stepping inside the common room. “Hi guys.”

“Gabby!” Herrmann was the first to jump up to greet her, most of 51 following quickly behind, except for the youngest three members of the house, all newcomers that didn’t know Gabriela Dawson.

Matt was still frozen to his spot; his only thought was of Sylvie, and how she was going to react to Gabby’s sudden, unannounced reappearance.

Matt stood up and tried to quickly slip out of the common room without drawing any attention to himself; he wanted to tell Sylvie himself, give her time to prepare herself so she didn’t walk in the common room and get surprised.

“Matt?” He’d almost reached the locker room when he heard Gabby. “Are you... avoiding me?”

“Not exactly.” Matt sighed, turning to face her. “But I have something I need to do before I talk to you.”

Confusion was written all over Gabby’s expression, but Matt wasn’t concerned with explaining himself further.

When he stepped inside the locker room, Sylvie was at her locker, shoving her shower stuff inside; she looked up as Matt approached and sighed. “I’m fine, Casey. It was a rough call, but I’m fine.”

“I... Gabby’s here.” Matt blurted out; Sylvie turned to face him, blue eyes wide. “She just walked in.”

“What is she here for?”

“I haven’t talked to her.” Matt stated. “I wanted to warn you she’s here.”

“Thanks for the warning.” Sylvie closed her locker, brushing past him to leave the locker room.

Matt stayed glued to his spot, long after Sylvie was out of sight; the thought of staying hidden until the end of shift, or at the very least until the next call, was appealing.

_ Where are you? _ Matt read the text from Kelly and sighed, turning towards the bunk room.

Sylvie and Gabby were sitting on Sylvie’s bunk, both of their eyes looking up when Matt walked past, going straight for his quarters and closing the door behind him.

“Seriously?” Kelly was sitting on Matt’s bed, waiting. “You’re going to hide in here?”

“For the time being, yeah.” Matt pulled out his desk chair and sat down. “They’re talking, anyway. Am I going to go join that discussion? Of course not.”

“What if she’s telling Gabby about you two?”

“I doubt that she is, but I wouldn’t expect her to keep it a secret.”

“You have the perfect opportunity to sort everything out now and make your mind up.” Kelly shrugged. “It seems like you rushing out of the room to talk to Brett as soon as she walked in is a sign itself.”

“I wanted to warn her.”

“I don’t understand how this is even a problem.” Kelly resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “You and Gabby are not compatible, man. You never were.”

Matt, who had been staring up at the ceiling, looked at his best friend. “What?”

“You just weren’t. She didn’t want the same kind of relationship you did, which by the way, it seems like you already have with Brett, or did before this recent screw up.” Kelly stated. “Gabby’s too stubborn, too focused on what she wants regardless of what anybody else wants. She doesn’t budge on anything. What kind of relationship is that?”

“I didn’t realize you didn’t like Gabby.” Matt knew they’d butted heads a few times - an inevitability with two people with such strong personalities - but they’d been friends for years.

“I like Gabby fine.” Kelly shrugged. “It doesn’t mean I like the way she treated you. You spent more of that relationship fighting than happy, man.”

There was a knock on the door that Matt immediately knew was Gabby, and Kelly stood up, opening the door. “I’ll see you guys in the common room.”

Gabby stood awkwardly by the door, arms crossed over her chest. “So... not avoiding me, huh?”

“Why do you never call before you show up here, Gabriela?” It wasn’t really the question Matt wanted to ask, but it was something that frustrated him, having no warning before her arrival.

“I guess I just didn’t think it’d be that big of a deal. It’s not like I showed up at your apartment door.” Gabby hesitated before closing the door behind her, crossing the distance to sit on his bed. “Did you and Sylvie have some sort of falling out? After you walked by, she seemed upset.”

“Not exactly.” Matt didn’t want to talk to Gabby about Sylvie, not without talking to Sylvie first to make sure she was okay with him talking about it. “What are you doing here?”

“I’d rather talk about that some time we won’t get interrupted by bells any second.” Gabby smiled. “Maybe I can come over after shift?”

Again, Matt’s mind went to Sylvie, wondering what she’d say or think about Gabby coming over; would she read more into it than just talking to Gabby?

Matt sighed; he knew this was the opportunity to get the answers and closure he needed, but he wasn’t inviting her to the apartment. “No.”

“No?” Gabby’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“No, you’re not coming to the apartment. We can get coffee or something, but no.”

“Oh, okay, I guess.” Gabby shrugged. “Is there anything open?”

“Meet me at Cafe Press after shift.” Matt sighed when the bells went off. “They have the patio open.”

* * *

_ Had to go. I’ll see you in the morning - Gabby _ ; Matt yanked the post it note off his desk and tossed it in the trash.

He was relieved to find Gabby gone by the time 81 got back from their call; Sylvie, Gabby and himself all in the same building for too long seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. 

Unfortunately, 61 was also gone, and he wanted to talk to Sylvie. If she’d talked to him; he wasn’t entirely sure she’d want to.

Matt busied himself with paperwork he’d been ignoring for a couple of days; he didn’t realize 61 was back until there was a soft knock on his open door.

“Sylvie.” He wasn’t sure why he stood up, it was just an immediate reaction.

“Hi.” Sylvie fidgeted with her watchband, refusing to make eye contact.

“Please talk to me, Sylvie.” Matt sighed. “I hate this.”

“You think I don’t?” Sylvie swallowed the lump in her throat; she would not cry, not here, not in front of Matt. “This is exactly what I was afraid would happen. We managed to ruin everything in five minutes and now the one person I usually tell everything to, I feel like I can’t even talk to.”

“But you can. I’m here to listen. I want to talk.”

“I’m not ready to, Matt, and I’m sorry that I’m not.” Sylvie sighed. “Did Gabby explain why she was here? Because she said nothing to me.”

“No. She wanted to come to the apartment to talk after shift.” Matt watched Sylvie’s expression, trying to gauge her reaction, but she deliberately turned her head away from him. “I told her not to.”

Sylvie turned her head back towards him in surprise. “You told her not to.”

“I agreed to meet her for coffee, to talk.”

“Okay.” Sylvie nodded. “Good.”

“Good?” That was not the reaction he was expecting from her.

“Yes, good.” Sylvie sighed. “I want you to work out your feelings, Matt. Regardless of who you chose.”

“Sylvie, it’s not a choice.” Matt tried to reach out to grab her hand, but she stepped backwards, avoiding him. “I don’t know why I said I didn’t know. Yes, I love Gabby, but I know we’re never going to work.”

Matt knew he’d said the wrong thing the moment he said it; Sylvie took another step backwards, wrapping her arms around her chest, almost as a shield.

“I will not be the one you settle for, Matt.”

“That’s absolutely not what I meant, Sylvie.” Mentally cursing himself out, Matt tried to reach forward again, but Sylvie stepped backwards until her back hit the wall to avoid him. “I’m not going to lie to you and say I don’t love Gabby, because part of me always will. It’s not like it used to be, but it’s not like it’s a switch I can turn off. She was a part of my life for a long time.”

“Yeah, I get that, I do. But I have to...” Sylvie was struggling to explain what was going through her head, but she wasn’t sure what she was feeling herself, much less how to say it. “You said it’s not a choice. I want it to be a choice. I want it to be a choice and to have you choose me. I don’t know if that makes sense, but...”

“It does.” Matt had never been more frustrated by the bells going off than in that moment, as a call for 61 came over the intercom.

“I’ll see you later.” Sylvie rushed past him, carefully avoiding eye contact and physical contact; Matt followed her out of his quarters, almost on default, stopping by the bunks.

“Casey.” Boden was watching him from bullpen. “My office.”

“Yeah, coming.” Matt sighed, following the Chief into his office. “What’s up?”

“Is there anything I need to know?”

Matt knew there were rules if he and Sylvie were in a relationship, paperwork that would need to be filed, but they weren’t. “No, Chief.”

“Nothing involving a certain paramedic?”

“Chief, I assure you if there was anything you needed to know, you would know.”

“Okay.” Boden knew there was something going on with Matt and Sylvie; he wasn’t blind, and the past few weeks it had been glaringly obvious that something had changed. “If you say so.”

“Is that all, Chief?”

Boden nodded. “You can go.”

And so Matt went back to his quarters, distracting himself with mind numbing paperwork.

* * *

Sylvie had spent the rest of the shift avoiding Matt. He wasn’t even sure where she was hiding; there weren’t that many places a person could hide out in a firehouse, but she had managed, and he had looked.

As soon as shift ended, Matt walked over to Sylvie’s car, leaning against the silver sedan and waiting; he wanted to talk to her again before she left, and this was the only way he knew he would.

Sylvie walked out of the firehouse, keys in hand, sighing when she saw Matt waiting for her by her car.

“Aren’t you supposed to be somewhere?”

“Not until I talk to you, no.” Matt replied.

“What’s there to talk about right now? I told you, you need to work out your feelings, Matt. So go, go talk to Gabby and do that.” Sylvie exclaimed. “We’ll talk later.”

“Okay.” Matt agreed. “I need to know if you’re comfortable with me bringing us up to Gabby.”

Sylvie sighed. “I guess. She’ll find out eventually either way.”

“If I call you later, are you going to send my call to voicemail like you have been?”

“I said we’d talk later, Matt. I’ll answer.” Sylvie promised. “Go.”

* * *

There was no sign of Gabby when Matt arrived at the small cafe; he pulled his mask on and went inside to order himself a coffee before finding the table farthest from the door to sit down.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” Gabby approached the table, sitting down across from Matt.

“Don’t you want a coffee or something?”

“I’m fine.” Gabby smiled. “It’s really good to see you, Matt. I realized I never said that yesterday.”

Matt picked his coffee up, taking a sip. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I... are you okay?” Gabby asked. “You’ve been acting really strange.”

“Gabby, you’re my ex wife. You popped up out of nowhere.” Matt sighed. “It is strange.”

“It didn’t feel strange last time.”

“A lot’s changed since then.” Matt was messing with his watchband before he even realized he was doing it. When it hit him what he was doing, he stopped; he’d picked up Sylvie’s nervous habit.

“Like what?” Gabby asked. “Are you seeing someone?”

Matt snorted, picking up his coffee again. “Not exactly.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Matt shook his head. “Why are you here, Gabriela?”

“The group I’ve been working with, they’re opening up a center here for those effected by COVID.” Gabby explained. “They asked me to temporarily step in for the person overseeing the project.”

“Temporarily?”

“A few weeks, maybe a month.” Gabby explained. “But there’s a permanent offer here in Chicago.”

“You’re coming back to Chicago?” A year and a half, that would’ve made him happy; now? He didn’t feel much of anything other than concern. Concerned about what it meant for him and Sylvie.

“Maybe.” Gabby smiled. “I haven’t said yes yet.”

“Why?”

“Because I wanted to talk to you.” Gabby reached across the table to grab his hand.

Matt looked at her hand in his and resisted the urge to pull it away; it felt unnatural now. Forced.

“I could take the job, we could try again.”

Matt could hear the hopefulness in her voice, but he felt none of it. “Why? It wouldn’t work. It didn’t work before, and all the fundamental issues why it didn’t work are still there.”

Matt didn’t want to hurt Gabby, and he could see it in her eyes he had, but there was a sense of relief he couldn’t explain when she pulled her hand away from his.

“I really didn’t think we had that many issues.”

Matt scoffed. “Are you serious?”

Her expression told him she was; she really didn’t think they had that many issues.

Matt realized why; they were not issues to her.

It wasn’t an issue to her that she did whatever she wanted without talking about it first, that she never considered what he wanted, or that she had just didn’t consider marriage the partnership Matt did.

All the issues that bothered him didn’t even occur to her; this realization should have bothered him, but all he felt was relief.

“I mean, the whole baby thing, I know, but honestly I’ve had so much time to think about it and I would be open to adopt, I know I -”

“No.” Matt cut her off. “That’s just one reason why we wouldn’t work out, and the fact you don’t seem to recognize the other issues makes it glaring obvious we could never work them out, but more importantly, and I just realized this a few seconds ago, but I don’t want to.”

“What?”

“Gabby, I don’t want a relationship where I’m constantly feeling like I’m ‘working it out’. I know all relationships require work, but they should require this much.” Matt sighed. “And all the work shouldn’t be done by one person.”

“Matt, I...” Gabby Dawson at a loss for words was a rare occasion. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I didn’t...”

“I know. It’s not your fault, Gabby. We’re just built differently.” Matt’s mind went to Sylvie again.

_ I want it to be a choice and to have you choose me. _

It was a choice, and Matt had just made it. It was Sylvie.

“Earlier I asked if you were seeing someone, you changed the subject.” Gabby stated. “But you are, aren’t you? Your mind is somewhere else.”

“I’m not seeing someone, but yes, there is someone, and you’re right. My mind is somewhere else.”

“And so is your heart, I think.” Gabby sighed. “I hope that she’s the kind of partner you want, and that you’re happy, Matt. I want that for you.”

“It’s Sylvie.” Matt blurted it out because Sylvie was right; Gabby would find out, one way or another.

Gabby’s face quickly shifted from taken back to understanding. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“I’m sorry, but I think I really need to leave.” Matt stood up, dropping his coffee cup in the trash can near the table. “I hope you find someone that makes you happy, Gabby. I want you to be happy.”

“I know.” Gabby nodded, waving him off. “Go get her.”

* * *

Matt had tried to call Sylvie as soon as he got in his truck; it rang five times before her voicemail picked up. He hadn’t bothered to leave a message.

He tossed his phone down on the seat and put the truck into drive, heading for Sylvie’s apartment building.

When Matt crossed the lobby, he ignored the elevator; this was an old building, and no matter how well maintained it was, that elevator was slow. It’d be faster for him to take the stairs.

He knew she was home before even knocked, he could hear faint music coming from inside her apartment; as the seconds passed and reached closer to a minute since he knocked, he was beginning to worry she was ignoring him.

“Sor -” Sylvie yanked the door open, stopping her apologize when she realized it was Matt at the door instead of her Postmates order. “I thought you were my food.”

Sylvie opened the door further to let him in, then went to grab the remote to her speaker system, turning off the Taylor Swift song that had been playing.

“I thought you might be avoiding me again.”

“Nope.” Sylvie picked up the bottle of wine off the coffee table and took it to the kitchen.

“You didn’t answer when I called.” Matt was trying to gauge her mood, but she was keeping her back to him, and her voice calm.

“Must’ve been when I was in the shower.” Sylvie motioned to her damp hair before putting a few dishes in the sink.

“Sylvie.” Matt stepped closer to her, pausing to see if she’d step away like she had in his office during shift; when she didn’t, he reached out to touch her hand. “Can we sit down and talk, please?”

“Yes.” Sylvie sighed as there was another knock at the door. “Let me get that first.”

Matt sat down on the couch, running his hand over the back of it; in the last month, his favorite and least favorite memories had taken place on this couch, and he was starting to have mixed feelings about a piece of furniture.

“So.” Sylvie sighed, setting her food down on the counter, appetite long gone. “How was coffee with Gabby? Did she explain why she’s back in Chicago?”

Sylvie had seen Matt just over an hour ago, and she couldn’t decide if the fact he’d been with Gabby for less than an hour was a good sign or a bad one.

“It was good. It was what I needed.” Matt watched her sit down on the other side of the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest. “She’s here for a few weeks, filling in for somebody at a center they’re opening for people hit by COVID.”

“Oh.” Sylvie tried to keep her expression blank.

“They offered her a permanent position.”

Sylvie closed her eyes, nodding, trying to will herself not to cry. “I see.”

“She said she’d accept if I wanted to try again.” Matt reached out to touch her hand that was resting on her knees. “You said you wanted it to be a choice, and it was, and I made my choice, Sylvie. It’s you.”

Sylvie’s eyes flew open as she pulled her hand free of Matt’s to wipe at the tears that had come despite her effort to prevent them. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Matt smiled. “It’s not even that she and I wouldn’t work, it’s that I don’t want us to. I was sitting there with her and all I could think was that it felt wrong, that it wasn’t where I wanted to be.”

“Oh.” Sylvie’s overwhelmed brain couldn’t seem to find the words to say.

“You’re not a second choice, Sylvie, and I don’t want you to think that you are. It’s not even a close choice.” Matt reached up to brush her hair out of her face. “And if I have to prove that to you, I’ll find ways. I’m up for the challenge, and I know it’s worth the fight.”

Sylvie smiled, the first genuine smile she’d had in weeks. “I love that you’re willing to fight, to prove it, Matt, but you don’t have to. I believe you. All I wanted was to know you would choose me, and I do now. You telling me is all the proof I need.”

Sylvie scooted across the couch, reaching up to touch his face and pull him close enough to kiss him.

“Just so you know...” Matt smiled as Sylvie interrupted him with another kiss. “I’m not going to stop proving it to you.”

Sylvie smiled into another kiss. “I’m looking forward to it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I have no idea how this oneshot even happened. I just kind of started writing this morning because I was a little distraught after last night's episode, and this all kind of happened, and I wrote it pretty much all in one sitting. I still have total faith in Brettsey, but that...hurt, regardless. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it <3 and I hope everybody is staying safe and healthy with everything going on in the world right now! 
> 
> Feel free to comment or reach out on Tumblr or Twitter (I can be found under 'atiredfangirl' on both), even if you just want to talk about the show! I can always use more fandom friends, haha.


End file.
